Talking trash about other people is something that I thought would stop after high school, but unfortunately it isn’t. When I think about it, I realize that I know my mom and her friends gossip and they are adults. Talking about people behind their backs is not something you should do because it’s immature and mean. Unfortunately people are going to do it. This is going to be something we will have to struggle with all of out lives. So how do we deal with it?
What do you do when you find out you have been the subject of discussion?
If the people who were talking about are people you do not know very well, be flattered. No matter how mean the things are that they were saying about you, they’re lives are so boring that they would rather talk about the excitement in yours. Smile and wave at them as you walk by, kill them with kindness. When their opinion does not phase you, it will drive them crazy. Don’t even sweat it.
If the people who are talking about you are your friends, that is a whole different story. When you find out about it, it’s going to hurt, and that is okay. Take a breather and let yourself calm down before taking any actions. Then once your calm, take a look at yourself. Are the negative things they say about you true? This could be a wake up call that maybe you should make some changes about how you treat people. After looking at yourself critically, you need to confront your friends. Weather or not what they are saying is true, it’s not okay for them to gossip about it. You don’t need to start big drama over this though. Just tell them that you heard about what they were saying and if they have an issue to talk to you about it and not everybody else. They should get embarrassed. Sometimes this is all it takes. If they are a good friend, then they will realize that they are wrong and knock it off. But no matter what happens, stay confident in yourself.
If the people you are friends with continue to talk about you even after you have confronted them, maybe they are not the best people for you to associate yourself with.
What do you do when the people you are with are talking trash about somebody?
If the people you are around are talking about other people while you are around you have a few options. You can either try to change the subject to something else, or you can just not participate in their discussion. When you try to change the subject, don’t become discouraged. It is hard to control the conversation in large groups of people especially when they get really into a topic. If you can’t get the discussion to change then just don’t participate in it. You can either walk away all together or pay attention to something else, like your phone. Your phone is always a good distraction because you can entertain yourself so many different ways on it. It’s just important for you not to add to the discussion.
What do you do if you are participating in it?
Knock it off. Talking trash about other people is a bad habit. It’s like biting your nails. Once you start doing it, it’s hard to stop. You feel the urge to do it and it’s not attractive. There are plenty of things to converse with your friends about, other people should not be the only topic that you can think of. When you gossip with your friends and somebody over hears you, it doesn’t only make the person you are talking about look bad, but it makes you look bad as well. If you talk about your friends to other people, they are not going to trust you or take you seriously, because they will figure that you talk about them behind their backs as well. I know that it can be exciting to hear about all the juicy things that are going on in people’s lives that you know. It’s fun to find out who’s hooking up with who, or what embarrassing thing that girl in your math class did last weekend at a party, but when you talk like that it hurts people and causes drama. Also know that the people who are excited to hear your gossip and tell you juicy things about other people, are not very credible sources. Additionally, if they like talking about people so much, how do you know that they aren’t doing it to you behind your back.
So, if people are talking about you, keep your head up; this might be a wake up call though. Look at yourself and make the changes that you need to but never lose confidence in yourself because of somebody else’s opinion. They don’t have to like you, you have to like you. Don’t add to negative conversations about other people. And if you are the one gossiping or talking bad about others, it’s in everybody’s best interest for you to stop it. I know it can be hard, but there are plenty of other things to talk about.